LXX – Scrap Metal

Dis iz a story uv a fight. An ‘ard fight. A gud fight. A fight that da orkz win, coz dey always win un all dat. Dis iz a story dat tells uv da how tos, un da how whats da Meks get ta loot. Dis iz a story ‘baut a fight of da boyz un da tin ‘eads.

“When a boy b’cumz a mek ‘E gets a name, a proppa name. Dat name is chosen by tossin a tin ‘ead down da stairs. Da soundz it makes will be da name of da Mek.”
                                             -Hjrak’im Atz Sklottah, Runtherda

Da git in da escaleishun wif da tin ‘eads ‘ad nevur faced da Orks. So it wuz da best ting ta do – to show im how da boyz go to WAAAGH!! ‘Dus ‘Urghnould, da Rippa ov Starz, took 1500 lotz of ‘Ez fun gitz to da battlefield. Like dis:

‘Urghnould, Mega Armour, kombi-skorcha ‘un ‘Ez lucky stick
‘Ez Medik (Painboy)
an’ a mob of ‘Ez ‘ardest boyz (17 ‘Ardboyz, Nob, Klaw &Pole)
in a Battlewagon wif 2 rokkit launchas, ram an’ a plank

29 uvva boyz, wif a Nob, Klaw &Pole
A mob ov Trukkboyz
19 grotz, a runtherda

2 Dakkajets (aces, extra supa-shoota)
9 Lootas, wif a Mek boy
3 Lobbas, wif a Mek (totz laik 10 grotz, 3 reloads)

Da tin’eads ‘at came to da fun was:

A destroya lord (Warlord)
wif 3 wraiths

2 krypteks, wif a flamer an a +1 toughness shiny, makin’ an “all T8” formeishun wif:
da Ghost of Christmus Future (c’tan shard, makes ’em diffikult terrainZ dangruz as well… diffikult, schmiffikult).

10 warriaz
8 Immortulz in a ‘toasta raider (not dem Black Orc gitz)
10 warriazs in a ‘toasta resurrection ship

A deff ray toaster raider
A flyin’ kommand bridge part/stool fing.

We wur goin’ ta fight on da long sides. It was da Maelstrom of Waaagh!! w’ere da bosses getz fewer, an fewer, an den fin’ly ‘un, fighty fing ta do. Da field was like dis: (Da grotz painted da important places in an ‘ard colour, red.)

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Da Orks came ta battle like dis. Iz ok, but kould be betta. Ai didn’t have da know wotz to kill da nasty formeishun proppa. ‘N it could do da deep strikes ovah, ‘n ovah (didn’t get dat part den, now ai’do). Iz bad. An’ like dis da lootas are dere to take lots of dakka to da fez. Should ‘ave been up on da ‘ill. But da rest is good. Close to da importunt stuff. ‘Unz in da middle by da squarish ‘ill, one by da treez, one behind da bilding to da right (or da left, I can’t rememba wot is da witch, like da ‘umies sez). Da boyz got a good short run to a mob of tin ‘eads in da ruins wif an important fing too. Lez see. Da tin ‘eads go first.

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‘E got dis sneaky bit (Warlord Trait) where ‘E gets ta swap da Cards ‘E draws first for new ones. So ‘E got decent one’s but risks it an’ discards takes da new set. ‘E gets these one:

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‘E moves up a bit to claim sum objektives. Da Ghost of Christmus Future appears near to da boyz…

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…’n zaps da boyz wif guilt uv bein’ bad, n not havin’ given presentz n’stuff. *Dey get so ashamed, that they run away. (Even though ‘Urghnould gets ta bellow orders to dem from 12″ away wif ‘Ez Warlord Trait).

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Den is da boyz’s turn. A’ight objektivz, but dere’s a few that’ll be ‘ard to fix.
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Da trukk will dash fer ‘un objektive behind da ruin (low left). ‘Urghnould’s mob in da BW will attempt to rip da Ghust Ark (middle). But lissen, git, an’ lissen guud! ‘Ere was da biggest kannundrum ov da game. Wif got da nasty robed rear-end of a squig in da middle of da boyz. ‘E’d put up a proppa fight. But how proppa? We’d want many ta share da joy, see. Would it be enuff fun if ‘Urghnould’s boyz, da trukk boyz, un da big mob’ wad all share. Sharin’ is ta kareen into a gud, proppa fight, rait?! My number squig got lost in da gunz-kloset, so we got ’round un decided that we’d share da uvver tin ‘eadz furst.

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So da ark got down, da trukk rushed ahead, an da boyz took da third important ‘un. Pretty gud. But da tin ‘eadz got dem all. I toss da challenge important stuff card, coz dem got no speshul scum ta take down wif insults ta rub it in (ed. note: =challenge).DSC_0952

Denn, da tin’eads break da Battlewagon, da Trukk, and tries to put sum killz on da ‘Urghnould’s, but der ded ‘ard. Dunno, wai da christmus spirit did not take to da fist fights. Gess E’z knowing dat da ‘Urghnouldz no messin wif.

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‘Ere’s more important stuff kards. But only four! ‘Ez a-cheatin dat arse! Or, den de fight waz too gud ta take dem piktshjurez, dunno.  No, diz is wat ‘e did proppa, see! Fooledz ya dere, aight! *hur, hur*

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Da orkses den take down da toasters in da resurreksjun ship. Da trukkers trie ta get forward but ‘erez too much smoke an’ derbee in da way so dey stay put. Da big mob an da grotz wants slowly forward ‘un putz da dakka into da ruin-huggin’ toasters. Da red dakkajet kumz in an’ takez da kompetisjun of der skies. Orkz get da few important fings, but no-git is in da shed, ‘an dere’s uvver stuff dat kan’t be du’n. Laik, da ruin-objektive is not reach’d, for da boyz forget dat dey kan run an den charge too dese deiz.

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Da transport pastry comez in and dakka down da dakkajet. ‘E gets anuvver set of da gud fings ter do. Da wraifs kom inz, wif da lord-boss. Dey try ta kill da trukkerz, but da debreeze iz gud fer proteksjun too. Dey, soon tries to take down der kommandkonsole-chair fing. But da nob takes only off too bitz (ed. note: Hull points). Da immortulz hopped out and took da objektif-important, but getz killed in turn. Da boyz mob got tired of runnin’ only in un direksjun. Dey got ‘ere sir-cutries bashed in real proppa. Da mob den got killed by da ghust. (Dat in da piksjure below, ‘as skared off da lobba-grotz. Da poor runtz feelz so bad for not givin’ ‘Urghnould proppa presentz dey ran like shoota-shotz).

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Den da wraifs wants to stop da trukkboyz (up da left). Dey stop ’em. But ‘Urghnould seez dat iz a proppa fight, ‘un goez an fight aswel. Der all dies. But den dat grot-arsed Ghost of Christmus Future komes aroun’ again! Da dakkajet ‘ere shot at da wraifs and da lord, but ‘E should ‘ave shot at da Toaster Raider. Da lord-boss ate all da led wif ‘Es 2+ – da kroissant wouldn’t ‘ave likely.DSC_0963

Dis is da lastest important-stuff-kards ‘Ai took dem piksjure ov. Iz just how da last objektives was fer dem boyz. One’s fer dem
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‘Ere’s da last attempt ta storm da tin ‘eadz in da ruins. Or watz left ov it anyways. 10 grotz run in. 5 grotz die ta dangrus terreen.DSC_0967

Da ‘un wif da turkois ‘at survives da inkomin dakka. Meanwhile da ghust-arse takes down ‘Urghnoulds mob. Wif one dakka jet left un da tin’eadz haz a proppa lead, we endz da game. Da skoorz:
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Bouf got laik ‘un more fer da line breaka. Loads of important-objektives dun. So datz gud. Lotz ‘appened.

Wut You gitz sez? Should ‘Urghnould haf tried ta gang up on da T8 steel ‘ead in da baaf roubz streit up da beginnin’? Komment below, plz!

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Yur, ‘ere’s anuvver piksjure of ‘Urghnould. ‘Ez ‘ere coz I finuly got ’em pain’ed ap. Proppa ain’t ‘e? Diz waz ‘ez first game evah. Kongratsjulasjuns ‘Urghnould. Me laff-heart gave ’em ta me as a suveneer in Edinburro a year ago. Been workin’ on im, long timez, bitz bitz. Lotz ta do on ‘im. Wuld be gud in sock if ‘E wuz still in metulz.

Thanxz a loadz fer readin’, git! See ya soon!

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